i don't know why but i was going through james' pictures when he was first born. there's a picture of me holding james.. and i remember it was the weirdest feeling. i was thinking to myself, "wow... is he really here? am i really holding my son right now?" it was just so... weird? reality... i guess. as i'm writing this i'm looking at the baby monitor checking if james is doing okay (he has a fever of 102 and he threw up before) and i'm still getting this feeling.. like.... wow. i really have a son! lol.. total randomness.. anyways....
i was left alone for a bit after james was born because dennis went home to change and to shower and all of that... and i remember i was trying to feed him for the first time. it was all new to me so i didn't know what i was doing and i was scared. what if i was feeding him wrong? what if i hurt his neck... what if he's uncomfortable? but the only thing that ran across my mind was.. he's mine. i have to do what it takes to make him happy and he's my responsibility.
it was still so weird.. there was this little baby in front of me.. moving, yawning.. squirming.... and now he's walking around, clapping his hands... scary how time flies~ but i am so thankful for our precious baby. he is the joy of all of our lives and it's such a great feeling! oh.. baby is crying. must end post here. haha gnite everyone!
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