full time mom

all happy smiles and giggles aside, i am going to air it out and tell you guys how it really is.. HARD!!!!!!! sometimes it's really frustrating! like when i'm trying to make lunch but the baby is crying... and he needs my attention. not only that, he is teething so he is super cranky and fussy. he take cat naps which doesn't help, but you know what.. i still wouldn't change it for the world.

but by having james i'm learning a lot more about myself.. and what kind of life i've been living, or what kind of people i was surrounding myself with.. or what i'm capable of doing and not capable of doing. i'm learning how to be more patient, and also realizing that i am NOT superwoman. trying to juggle everything all at once.. being a mom and a wife, is harder than i thought but this is what i wanted.

i am not perfect, nobody is.. so i guess it is normal for me to feel this way. and as for my "surroundings", something has got to change... i cannot stand being in this situation anymore. i need to be in a better place with positive energy.. no more of this bs!

being myself??

sometimes, i just want to be blunt about everything and anything, but i know that it's better to stay quiet. but it gets really frustrating when people don't have any common sense! weren't we all born with it? i guess not?! THINK BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING. PEOPLE have feelings and the way you say things can HURT people. i need to vent.

i feel like some people are so selfish and ungrateful. no matter how hard i try, it comes to a point where i didn't "try hard enough", or "it's not really trying". why do i care so much about what other people think of me? why do i have to hold back on the things that i want to say or want to do? why do i have to go out of my way, and sacrifice the things that i like to do so i can be accommodating to other people who don't really give a fuck? why do i even bother.

sometimes i wish i had the heart to be like fuck you and fuck off, i don't really care about what you think about me, but i don't know why i care. i care so much about how other people will think about me, and how they will judge me. but i realized.. that it's just hurting me. i'm the only one who's getting stressed out. it's only affecting me.

SO, with that being said.. from now on, i'm going to say what i want to say, and not hold back. ok not maybe want to say, but NEED to say. i'm not going to care about my image. who do i need to look good for anyways, right? because if you were my true friend you would love me for who i am. and if you don't, then you can go fuck yourself because i don't give a shit anymore.

to all you stupid, ungrateful, selfish, unappreciative, no common sense dumb-asses out there, please. check yourself. look around you. this is why you have NO FRIENDS!!!!!!!!